Having heard Jon Kabat-Zinn say “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”, and having learnt a lot about resilience from teaching mindfulness to homeless people at the Matthew Talbot Centre in Sydney, I came up with my own acronym (S.U.R.F) to summarise ideas and models that have been helpful to me when crisis hits:
· I Have: strong relationships, structure, rules at home, role models; these are external supports that are provided;
· I Am: a person who has hope and faith, cares about others, is proud of myself; these are inner strengths that can be developed;
· I Can: communicate, solve problems, gauge the temperament of others, seek good relationships—all interpersonal and problem-solving skills that are acquired.
4. F is for Face reality, accept what's in front of you moment by moment. Embrace the mess. Welcome emotions like guests:
"This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight."
Tim Ferris has a great exercise to face your fears that he calls Fear-setting. It's about taking action by defining and writing down what you might afraid of, consider how you could prevent the situation from happening and what damage repair you could do in case what you fear might happen.
What has worked for you and made you more resilient? Please comment below, and if you are interested to find out more or meet people on a journey to become more resilient, my next workshop in Sydney is on the 07th of October, and there are still a couple of spots left. You can book your tickets here.